Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Vulnerable Moment

We interrupt this regularly scheduled program of blood, sweat, tears, and testosterone to bring you something juicier. Today I'm going to go all out and open up to you all. I'm going to rip myself wide open and reveal something that you haven't seen before. I'm having a very vulnerable moment here.

I just bought me a six month supply of steak today. Yes, really. Whew...that's off my chest.

You see, I have this problem. It's called Carnivorianmultiplexus (CVP) syndrome. What, you've never heard of it? It's a disorder that revolves around meat. Particularly steak. Symptoms include a compulsion to buy charcoal briquettes whenever a person with CVP goes to the store, owning more than one bbq cookbook, being pulled to the gas grills whenever entering Home Depot and then having to use the paper towels located near the grill to wipe up the drool. Individuals with CVP have known flare-ups in the late spring and last until late summer.

I was diagnosed with CVP back in the '00 when we moved into our home and I received a gas grill for Father's Day. No one ever told me that I had the recessive gene that would cause me to get a glossed over look in my eye whenever Iron Chef Bobby Flay threw a T-Bone on the grill. How was I supposed to know that my knees would go weak during Meat Week at Albertsons? I was never told this and as a result I have a full blown case of Carnivorianmultiplexus.

I felt that this year I was doing so well too. I had avoided the steak sales, kept my grilling to chicken and some vegetables only. But then last Saturday I gave in and bought some rib eyes and we grilled them on Sunday. Today, when the man selling Omaha Steaks came by, I had no strength to resist. I just barely had enough in me to talk him down $50 on a variety case. I know, I know...I caved. I was weak. I gave into the flesh.

But, you see now I have a good reason for buying these steaks. It came to me as I was putting them away. If Vanilla comes running by and I'm grilling, he's welcome to jump my fence and pull up a chair. So, really I'm being charitable to a fellow runner (what, you thought I wasn't going to say anything about running?).

I'm now in denial mode...what illness?


  1. CVP sounds pretty serious. On the upside you have food storage now, right? Thank you for your moment of vulnerability. I will not use it against and will try to remember to have steak on hand next time you come to visit so you don't get any nervous ticks. You end up running sideways with a nervous tick... not good.

  2. I think you'd get along well with my sister. I remember her as a kid wandering around our house moaning, "meat, I need meat." A few years ago she visited England during the mad cow scare. She was really worried that she wouldn't be able to get beef in England and was thinking about bringing beef jerky with her.

    So people sell Omaha Steaks door to door? Didn't know that.

    Once my husband got a huge box of steaks for a Christmas gift. Yummm.

    Thanks for including me on your blog roll!